Heavy Heart

I don't know what it is lately, but I just can't get enough of my boys. They push my buttons, they wake me up way too early, they fight with each other, they don't finish all their dinner, they pull out every single article of clothing from their drawers and throw them on the floor to get dressed in the morning, they make a mess in their bathroom sink when they brush their teeth, they turn everything into a gun...and shoot people...in Costco... but I love it all and them so much it hurts!

At the end of the day I wonder did I really have to yell at them for that, did I give too many time outs, was that spanking out of anger, did I ignore their pleas for me to play another game of hide and seek, why was I too lazy to let them go outside and ride their bikes for the 6th time today, did I give enough kisses and hugs, would it have killed me to read one more book before bed.... I could beat myself up every day about being a "good enough" mom.

I have had a lot of friends have babies this month and the majority have become first time moms. It doesn't seem too long ago that was me and now I am about to have a 3 and 5 year old. I know... they are still babies, but too me they are growing up way too fast.

I miss toddler Josh and baby Jason

I have looked forward to the day Josh starts Kindergarten and now I desperately don't want it to come. I have longed for Jason to start talking and now he won't stop. There is so much change happening that I just want to freeze time. I love these ages and love my crazy boys so much!!!

I am trying to enjoy every early morning, temper tantrum, sibling fight, dinner table battle, clean up time refusal, spontaneous "I love you", games of hide and seek, couch time cuddles, and bed time kisses. It all goes by too fast.