You see, we have a lot of change happening rather quickly. One of the changes in particular is school starting in the fall. Not just Josh, but Jason and myself all get to go to school in August.
The Lord not only opened my heart to the option of going back to teaching full time, but he has been opening doors as well. Last week he confirmed that tugging on my heart with a phone call saying I had received the 1st grade teaching position I had applied for. It is at the awesome Christian School I used to work at before I made the decision to take a break from teaching and stay home.
Josh will be going to Kindergarten there. What's really neat is that Kinder and 1st grade are on their own side of the school and have a very similar schedule. Josh's classroom will be a few doors down from mine and I will get to see him often throughout the day. Hopefully, he will want to see me though. I am so excited for him! I feel totally at peace with sending him to this amazing school. The fact that I will be right there really helps with that too.
Jason will be going to the Preschool. It is not on the same campus, but literally down the street. We took him there this morning for a tour and to check out the classrooms. He loved it. He loved the playground, the bikes, the soccer balls and the basketball hoops. He didn't want to leave. Me on the other hand.... this is where my sad morning happened.
Our time at the school was great. I am so confident that this is such an outstanding school and Jason is going to love it. But the second we walked out that front gate and into the parking lot I lost it.
How in the world am I going to drop off my baby (okay he'll be 3 and 3 months when he starts) and just leave him there?! Josh will be right there with me... but he won't. I cried the whole drive home... 45 minutes. I am so happy for him and sad at the same time. I feel so selfish.
I knew this would have to happen if I go back to work, but I just don't know how I am going to be able to do it. Call me clingy, overbearing, protective, whatever.... and even knowing he will be in best loving, Christian atmosphere it is still hard.
I have 4 months left before school starts and I am going to enjoy every second. I know God won't give me what I can't handle. He gave me this awesome job opportunity and a top notch Christian school for our kids to attend, so I know he will give me the strength to cut a few strings and let my little boy enjoy it. But I think a mama can still shed a few tears over the fact that her babies are growing up way too fast.
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry you have to let your little guy go. I'll be praying for you.
oh friend, i'm so sorry. i know it's hard and you know that this is going to be great for him. you can be upset, it's not selfish or anything. he's your child and of course you will miss him. it will be okay, and once you see him after that first day and see how happy and excited he is your feelings of sadness will subside, i promise. remember after i dropped chloe off at preschool what a mess I was??!! it's one of those super hard mommy things, it's totally okay to feel how you're feeling :)
Okay, this totally made me choke up. I'm certain the emotions you felt that day were not just about having to send Jason to preschool, but about you working full time, Josh entering Kindergarten and any of the other uncertainties and changes you guys have going on. Sometimes it all just comes to a head, and you just need a good cry. (at least that's how I work) I hope that seeing things fall into place will give you the assurance that you've made the right choices for your family and in time it will just become your new normal.
I call it being a Mama! It will be hard and you will cry.
My 1st daughter was 3-1/2 years old when I dropped her off at Pre-K. She had never been at day care or preschool. I know I was leaving her in good hands at a very good school, but it was so hard.
Just keep thinking about how Jason is going to love it. How much he will grow and learn. AND, it will only be for one year and he'll be back with you.
PLUS, you and I will be living in the same city! I'm so excited! :-)
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